Dad Jokes
Here are 10 dad jokes to get you started, followed by the top 100 dad jokes:
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down!
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be a chicken sedan!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
Here are the top 100 dad jokes:
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
I'm reading a book about antigravity. It's impossible to put down.
I don't trust people that do acupuncture. They're backstabbers.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decaffeinated.
I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
I'm reading a book about teleportation. It's bound to get me somewhere.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on that one.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a trampoline and a well-dressed man on a trampoline? Attire.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
Why don't ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I have a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be a chicken sedan.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
I don't trust people that don't like dogs. But I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Why do they call it a "drive-through" if you have to stop?
I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
I don't trust people that do acupuncture. They're back stabbers.
Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I'll go on a head.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why don't ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? "Between us, something smells."
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I don't trust people that don't like dogs. But I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded it.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
Why do bees hum? They don't know the words.
I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I'll go on a head.
Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating before it was cool.